John - it's Saturday 20 December and we are all missing you so much - especially at this time of the year. You were the biggest kid of all - you loved putting up all the decorations and lights all around our home - both inside and out! I miss you doing the present shopping with me and wrapping the presents on my own is so difficult - I need your help with the sellotape. I feel really sad when I open the Christmas cards just addressed to me. I'm still having our traditional Christmas get-together with the neighbours on Sunday evening but this year I've invited some of our friends and 2 of my new widow friends, Pat and Pauline - you'd like them both. I hope they have Christmas in heaven for you to enjoy. Sunday 21 December - it's now 1am Monday morning and everyone has gone home - the get-together went really well - I put name badges on everyone so they could all know who each other were and they all mixed very well. Martin, Helen, Louise and Jason all were with me - Martin took over serving the food and Jason the drinks - they made sure everyone was welcome. Graham couldn't come till late as he had Barry and Liz (Maria's Dad & family) for their Christmas celebration. Everyone who was here have helped me enormously through this awful year since you were taken ill and since you died. I made a little speech thanking everyone - I couldn't have done without all the love and support that I've had from our lovely family and fantastic friends. We all talked about you and how much you're missed and raised our glasses to you and other absent friends and loved ones - you were so special to so many. I felt your presence with me all evening but now it has hit home that you're gone - I still can't believe it. Lots of love and hugs darling - I love you so much. Wednesday 24 December - Christmas Eve I had a really bad morning this morning as it's 7 months today since you died and I miss you so much darling. I went in to the salon for a few hours to take my mind off things but it didn't help! They were all dressed up this year, Martin as Spiderman, Tony as Action Man, Conor as Robin, Jessica as BatGirl and Enza, Iris and Carol as Father Christmas's helpers. They looked good and caused quite a stir! I know you would have loved it and probably would have been Superman - you truly were a super man to me, our family and friends. Lots of the salon clients talked about you - in fact we talk about you all the time. Helen, Jessica and Madeline together with Val and Dave came round this evening for a Chinese meal and Helen and the girls are staying so I won't be on my own in the morning. Will log on again for a chat - Christmas Day - our first one without you! All my love xxx