This is the first birthday in 52 years that I've spent without you John. I've had a busy day - had a facial and a hairdo this morning, met Louise for lunch and friends have popped in this afternoon. Our family have been over this evening for a chinese meal and they gave me a beautiful Swarovski necklace, some lovely flowers and some nice cards. I've had numerous phone calls, cards, emails, presents and visitors and have been thoroughly spoilt. It's now 11.50pm and everyone has gone and I've tried to be so brave today but now the floodgates have opened. I miss you so much John - NOBODY knows what it's like to lose the love of your life, your best friend, your soulmate and the other half of you until it happens - I certainly didn't!