I started to build my Tribute to you today. It's 11 weeks and 1 day since you passed away and I miss you so much. You were my best friend, my soulmate and the love of my life. I know our children miss you so much as well and they phone or visit me every day to check I'm ok. You were the centre of our family and life will never be the same again without you. When you were first diagnosed with cancer I decided to take part in the female Cancer Research Race for Life at Kempton Park, Sunbury and I asked the girls if they wanted to join me. Louise, Helen, Maria and Jessica joined me on 27 July and I made a banner and called it John's girls. It was a very emotional day as there were over 2,600 participants who had all either lost someone like us or been affected by cancer. Martin gave us the banner when we had about 200 yards to go and we all walked in a line and everyone was clapping and cheering and they announced over the tannoy system "Here come John's Girls". We raised over £4,500 between us and donations are still coming in. John - you were so brave fighting your illness - you didn't want to die - you still had so much loving and living to do! As you had been so active you found it very difficult to cope with the speed of this debilitating illness and the changes to your body. You were dependent on oxygen less than 4 weeks after diagnosis, right up until the day you died. I know death is a part of life and no one can escape it. The harsh reality of dealing with the loss of someone so dear is so difficult. You loved having visitors at home, the hospital and the hospice but in the last week I had to limit how many visitors you had as you were getting very weak. I wanted him to save your strength for our lovely children as they were most important to you. You always brightened up and wanted to chat when anyone came but it took it out of you so much. John - you knew you didn't have long to live and wanted to see so many of our extended family and friends before you died. It broke my heart knowing that you knew you were dying but you were so brave. I NEVER once thought about life without you John, the short time you were ill although I knew you didn't have long - I just tried to help you get through each day and never left you alone.