My darling John - I feel haunted by the events of this time last year. You were very poorly and fighting this terrible disease until the very last and I am struggling to come to terms with you leaving me. I cared for you at home for the last 12 days and in a way I feel that I was privileged to share this darkest, most difficult and intimate time with you. I think it was because of the love and the trust between us that it was possible for you to express your emotions,(angry at times)and frustration at what was happening to you. To not be inhibited in your last few days but to be able to fully express and share with me whatever you were going through, whether it was fear, pain or discomfort. Looking back I think it reminded me that we both had our roles to play - I to provide the love, security and comfort and for you to die with dignity. The end was as much part of our journey as everything else we'd faced together throughout our married life. We didn't want any of it to be happening, but it was out of our hands and beyond our control. Rest in peace my darling - I love and miss you so much and know that our children and grandchildren do as well. Life is not the same without you. xxxxxxxxxx